🕯️Protecting Your Flame: Somatic Stacking, Parenthood, and Burnout Prevention
by Krista Day-Gloe, LCSW | Body-Led Mental Health
There’s a story Brené Brown tells—one I first heard during my Daring Way facilitator training—that’s stuck with me ever since. She talks about an old oil lamp: a glowing flame encased in a glass cylinder. The flame is your light—your passion, joy, purpose. The thing that makes you you. But without the protective cylinder, that flame flickers, weakens, or goes out entirely in the face of wind, chaos, or overwhelm.
When I sit down with clients this time of year—especially as school ramps back up—I often see how fragile that flame has become. Schedules shift, expectations grow, and the first thing to go is the glass cylinder. The workouts, the walks, the breathwork, the bath alone, the moment to think. Self-care becomes something people promise themselves “later,” which often means never. By the end of the day, there’s nothing left to give, and the flame is barely hanging on.
But let’s be honest—some flames didn’t wait until August to start dimming. Many people come into fall already depleted. The summer was long. The days felt endless. The noise, the mess, the snacks (so many snacks)... it was constant. And now, with kids back at school or routines shifting at work, a small sliver of space opens up—and some people are only just now realizing how close they were to burnout.
Whether your flame has flickered from too much togetherness or not enough space for yourself, the question is the same:
What protects your flame?
🧠 The Emotional Load: Why You're So Tired (Even If You're Not “Doing It All”)
Burnout doesn't just come from doing too much—it comes from holding too much in your mind, your body, your nervous system. That’s the emotional load. And for many people—especially those wired for care, detail, and noticing what others need before they ask—the emotional load is the heaviest thing they carry.
Here are just a few examples of invisible labor that might be running quietly in the background:
💼 For Parents:
Remembering it’s library day on Wednesdays
Tracking which kid is out of lunch money
Making sure the backpack has the extra pair of socks for P.E.
Planning dinner around soccer practice—and whether the crockpot is clean
Double-checking the school email for Spirit Week
Calling in that refill. Scheduling that dentist appointment.
Mentally preparing for the meltdown after school
Holding space for everyone else’s emotions… while quietly ignoring your own
🤝 For Partners and Spouses:
Being the one who remembers family birthdays
Noticing your partner’s stress level before they say a word
Doing the dishes even when it’s “not your night” because they had a hard day
Holding in resentment because bringing it up feels like more work
Managing the mental list of what’s missing from the fridge
Coordinating plans so everyone feels included and no one gets upset
🖥️ For Employees and Caregivers:
Being the one who always remembers deadlines and meeting links
Emotionally buffering your team when tension runs high
Doing the extra “invisible” work that keeps your workplace running—but doesn’t show up on performance reviews
Making small talk or smiling through exhaustion because it’s “good for morale”
Thinking about work long after you’ve logged off
Never truly resting—even during PTO—because you’re still the fallback person
Whatever the invisible load is for you…it adds up. It taxes your nervous system. It crowds your brain. It wears down your capacity long before your body even leaves the house.
So if you’ve been wondering, “Why am I so tired all the time?”—you might not need more coffee or more discipline.
You might need to start protecting your flame.
🔥 What Fuels Your Flame—and What Snuffs It Out?
Brené’s oil lamp metaphor invites us to think of our inner flame—the core of who we are—as something worth protecting. But first, we have to name what fuels it:
Time in nature
Creative expression
Movement or play
Moments of stillness
Meaningful work
Laughter, music, connection
And what protects it?
Boundaries around your time and energy
Asking for help before you're desperate
Rituals that anchor you in your body
Saying “no” without guilt
Carving out non-negotiable space just for you
Now think about what snuffs it out:
Overcommitting
Decision fatigue
Guilt around taking breaks
Resentment that simmers unspoken
Constant interruption or emotional labor
Whether it’s planning dinner around soccer practice or being the one who schedules Grandma’s cardiology follow-up, these small, constant responsibilities chip away at your capacity.
The goal isn’t to have a perfect flame that burns brightly 24/7. The goal is to know when your light is dimming—and to reach for the glass cylinder before the wind knocks it out completely.
🌀 Somatic Stacking: A Flame-Saving Strategy
If you’ve followed Body-Led Mental Health for a while, you’ve heard me talk about somatic stacking. It’s the practice of embedding nervous system regulation into everyday moments so it doesn’t feel like one more thing on your to-do list.
When you’re a parent, a partner, or just a person with a full plate, stacking is sometimes the only way self-care gets to happen.
Here’s what that can look like:
Push the stroller while doing breathwork. Inhale for 4, exhale for 6.
Do gentle shoulder rolls or neck circles in the carpool line.
Ground yourself while making lunches. Feel your feet. Notice one scent.
Hum while folding laundry. Bonus points if it’s to a nostalgic song.
Repeat an affirmation while brushing your teeth. “I’m allowed to take up space.”
Regulate before you react. When you notice yourself getting irritable (because you just remembered again that Spirit Day is tomorrow), place a hand on your chest. Breathe. Then respond.
Standing in power pose before talking to your boss for 2 minutes. This sets your body up to prime itself to feel more confident and assured of telling your boss that you can’t stay late again tonight and need to head out on time.
These aren't huge, time-consuming interventions. But stacked consistently, they build a nervous system that's more resilient, more regulated, and less likely to spiral under pressure.
These practices don’t make the invisible load disappear—but they help you carry it with less cost to your body.
🪟 Reflection: What Protects Your Flame?
Let’s come back to the lamp. Your flame matters. And you don’t need to wait until you’re burnt out to protect it.
Try this short reflection (write it out or simply sit with it):
What fuels me right now?
What small boundary or ritual protects that?
What has been dimming my flame lately—and is it time to name it?
You can even add:
What’s one piece of invisible labor I could delegate, delay, or drop this week?
This isn’t about overhauling your entire life. This is about protecting the part of you that makes life feel worth living.
💛 Closing: You Deserve a Glass Cylinder
You’re not selfish for needing space. You’re not dramatic for feeling overwhelmed. You’re not weak for reaching the end of your rope.
You are a human with a flame inside.
And that flame deserves protecting—not just when you have extra time, not just when the kids are asleep, not just when your partner says it’s okay, not just when you clock out at the end of your day.
Now is the time to build your glass cylinder.
Let it be made of breath, boundaries, movement, laughter, silence, song—whatever brings you back home to your body.
Let it be imperfect. But let it be.